Kill Tesla, Save The Country

Elon has a weak spot. Attack.

UPDATE: I’ve removed the paywall for this article because MAGA dipshits have consistently lied to the press — and themselves — about its contents.



Tesla is no longer just a car company; it’s a bank for fascists, a goose-stepping hedge fund bankrolling the political fever dreams of Elon Musk and his DOGE dreams of controlling the ruins of the American government as he becomes Earth’s first trillionaire and then the Emperor of Mars.

Musk’s power and wealth are inseparable from Tesla’s absurdly inflated stock price. If the Tesla bubble pops, so does Elon’s ability to keep throwing money around like a drunken Russian oligarch in a Macao casino.

Need proof?

Look no further than how Musk leveraged his Tesla shares to snap up Twitter (bless its heart) and bankroll Republican electoral operations with zero regard for the carnage he’s leaving in his wake.

Silicon Valley once cast him as Tony Stark, the plucky genius saving humanity. Reality check: he’s more of a ketamine-juiced Gordon Gekko, hopped up on shitlord memes and waging a culture war from the comfort of his hollowed-out volcano lair.

In his mind, he’s Elon the Hero, a scrappy entrepreneur, not merely a guy who bought other companies. He declared himself their inventor and prime mover (to wit, Tesla and SpaceX, famously), full of noise, hustle, and “hardcore mode” self-aggrandizement.

None of his companies have actual corporate governance, and Musk has milked one to pay the other repeatedly. However, Tesla has been the cash cow buoyed by oceans of government subsidies. Speaking of a lack of corporate governance, did I mention that this man once secured a headline-grabbing $54 billion “pay package”?

Even the otherwise supine Delaware Chancery Court balked at that piece of highway robbery. Meanwhile, Musk’s toxic money saturates our politics like an oil spill, suffocating the flawed old system of SuperPAC fundraising (trust me, I know) with an avalanche of personal checks larger than some countries’ GDPs.

The net effect? Musk has become the Republican Party’s brand-new fear engine. You used to hear whispers of “so-and-so gave $20 million—better not cross them.” Now, $20 million is a polite down payment. Almost no one, right or left can compete with Elon.

Elon can carpet-bomb you with $200 million, and once those big checks start rolling in, GOP leaders scuttle into line, terrified of finding themselves on Musk’s revenge list. Just ask poor Tom Tillis, who clammed up like his reelection depended on it (which it absolutely does) during some key appointment fights.

Musk’s 2024 spree was staggering:

• $239 million to America PAC to boost Trump and fuel the ground game in Pennsylvania.

• $20.5 million to RBG PAC, ironically named after Ruth Bader Ginsburg, aimed at softening Trump’s abysmal image on abortion.

• $10 million right into Mitch McConnell’s Senate Leadership Fund, ensuring The Turtle stays firmly in Elon’s shell.

And that’s just the disclosed qwan. Musk’s loyal (and by “loyal” I mean “venal”) consultants—those who keep feeding his titanic ego and greasy illusions—got very, very rich. Not “nice beach house” rich, but “I just bought a Gulfstream” rich.

Here’s the political physics of it all: Pressure on Tesla is pressure on Musk. Break Tesla’s stock, and you start to break Elon’s ability to bankroll authoritarian fantasies…and if that kneecaps Trump in the process, well, boo-hoo.

Corporate pressure campaigns generally work when a company still cares about rational brand management, market cap, and sales. Tesla is about to learn to care.

I’ve forced major firms to tuck tail and change their ways with campaigns that directly hit their brands, including Toyota, AT&T, and others who shall remain unmentioned because of NDAs.

If you can capture the right cultural moment and reshape their precious image and brand, you can carve them up, or if they behave, let them keep their image intact.

And guess what? The cultural moment for Tesla has arrived. Why?

1. Tesla’s Stock Is Perched on a Cliff
   
   Tesla was once the darling of Wall Street, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the FAANG gods in their prime. The stock soared to record highs in December 2024, right after Elon helped Trump secure the White House.
   
   Now, it’s flirting with that big red “ABANDON HOPE ALL YE INVESTED HERE” sign.
   
   One good shove and this rickety stock goes into a potentially unrecoverable free fall. It’s off 50% from its peak and losing more by the day.
   

2. Elon & DOGE Are Poisoning the Brand
   
   Musk’s swashbuckling raids on the American government spawned lurid accusations of fraud, only to reveal that his so-called “cognitive elite” can’t read a balance sheet to save their lives. They’re too busy stuffing the idiot maws of the culture-war window-lickers with tales of Peruvian trans operas or similar nonsense.
   
   People are noticing that what DOGE is truly accomplishing is chaos, destruction, and firing of the parts and pieces of the government we need (air traffic controllers, VA doctors, etc.), all while planning to torch Social Security to the ground to pay for a tax cut for Elon and his friends.
   
   Elon’s bad behavior is Tesla’s burden to bear, and he’ll keep acting like America’s Mad Tech King because he feels like this can go on forever.

   
   It can’t.
   

3. Nazi-Adjacency Is Famously Bad For Market Share
   
   I’m not saying Elon’s goose-stepping around Boca Chica. But c’mon—he reposted a claim that “Stalin, Mao, and Hitler didn’t murder millions of people.”

   He’s out there giving winks and nods to white nationalist Twitter accounts like they’re not brimming with neo-fascist bile. Consumers might love a tech-forward EV, but they don’t want to drive around in a car that screams, “I’m tight with America’s alt-Reich sugar daddy.”
   
   I’m not saying his South African roots are showing, but Musk’s obsession with race is becoming one of his most notable characteristics.
   

4. Even the Rats Know the Ship Is Sinking
   
   Musk’s Tesla board, comprised of besties, bootlickers, and his brother are dumping their Tesla shares like they’ve seen the iceberg and are frantically looking for lifeboats. Robin Denholm, Trump’s all-time biggest fangirl, sold off $75 million in just a few weeks.
   
   That’s not exactly a gesture of confidence, folks.
   

5. A Product Line Ranging from Dull to Cringe
   
   The “Douchepanzer” (a.k.a. Cybertruck) might amuse a tiny sliver of wannabe Chad MAGA men with small-dick-energy fantasies, but it’s a shoddily built flop. The damn thing is literally glued together, and its alleged toughness has trouble surviving things like a carwash or a rainstorm.
   
   Meanwhile, Tesla’s aging Model 3, Y, S, and X feel about as fresh as 2017’s iPhone.
   
   You can only patch so many software updates onto a platform before buyers realize they’re paying top dollar for a product that has barely evolved since the pandemic started.
   

6. Tesla: Welfare Queen Extraordinaire
   
   For all of Musk’s libertarian posturing, Tesla is a creature of government subsidies. If states like California decide to flex—pulling tax breaks, removing EV mandates, or refusing to buy Tesla fleets—it’ll cut a big chunk out of Elon’s war chest.
   
   Be sure to remind Republicans Elon has suckled at the teat of Ma Government like an eager little piggy as he’s accumulated his billions.
   
   And if you think he won’t squeal like a stuck pig, you haven’t been watching.
   

7. Institutional Investors: This is Your Cue
   
   Big banks, hedge funds, state retirement funds, and other money titans are waking up to the risk and reputational stink clinging to Tesla. If they pull out, Musk’s rickety financial empire will wobble like a Jenga tower in an earthquake.
   

No one’s asking me to design a war plan here—though if some billionaire wants me to, we can whip up a doozy. But the bullet points above write their script for how to keep hitting Tesla right in the P/E ratio.

Think about peaceful (and very public) protests at Tesla showrooms—who’s wants waltz in for a test drive when the dealership’s ringed by protestors holding signs about Elon’s Nazi-curious Twitter behavior?

And if we’re really serious about neutering Elon’s political kingmaking, then we need a coordinated effort:

• Buy An EV, Just Not A Tesla
  
  Free markets, baby.
  

  If you’re buying an EV, you’ve got excellent options right now, all at the same price point — in many cases, much less - as Tesla. If BYD gets an American foothold, Tesla is cooked. From Rivian to Polestar to EV versions of almost every significant traditional auto mark, the offerings offer more range, style, fit-and-finish, and comfort than anything in the Tesla line.
  
  When you do, tell your friends.
  

• Cement Tesla to Musk’s Outrages in Ads, Social, and Earned Media
  
  Easy enough, but linking every excess and insanity of DOGE and Elon to the brand makes it harder and harder to reboot Tesla’s stock price.
  

• Shareholder Lawsuits
  
  Expensive, yes, but they unearth documents and depositions that cost Tesla a fortune in time, money, and brand equity.
  

• Ending Blue-State Subsidies
  
  California, New York, the EU, or any place that can dim Tesla’s gravy train of incentives and government purchases should do so without blinking. As discussed above, there are plenty of EV companies that don’t come with a bonus rousing rendition of the Horst Wessel song as their corporate theme.
  

• Divesting Public Funds
  
  State pension systems and municipal treasuries should be pressured to stop feeding the beast that’s eating our democracy from the inside out.
  
  Buying more Tesla stock now is a bad bet; it is better to cash out now before it falls below $100.

It’s true that the front line in this war is still stopping Donald Trump from burning down Washington and using the Resolute Desk as kindling.

But sometimes, you find a strategic weak point in the authoritarian vertical — like Tesla—where a single, well-placed shot shakes the entire edifice.

Tesla is Elon, and Elon is Tesla. You can’t separate them.

If we tear down that brand—if we make it socially and financially toxic—it won’t reduce Elon Musk to homelessness. Still, it’ll sure slow him down from more nine-figure spending sprees to resuscitate Trump’s political career and shred every norm left in our democracy.

It’ll send a thunderous warning to companies sniffing Trump’s ass like submissive dogs and to the politicians worshipping at Elon’s feet: the market can be weaponized against you, and politics is still downstream of culture.

When the culture shifts, the money follows. And when the money goes, the illusions of genius and power vanish, leaving only the bitter whiff of hubris.

Break Tesla, break Elon. Break Elon, break Trump.

And maybe—just maybe—we save what’s left of our democracy by using the magic of the marketplace, not just politics.